This short book by J. Martin Kohe was first published in the 1950s. Kohe argues that the ability to make conscious choices shapes every aspect of our lives. Kohe was an American author and psychologist born in 1908. This short series of excerpts highlights the concepts shared in this book. The reader is encouraged to purchase the book for the in depth explanations that it offers.
The Fourth Chapter – Choosing Your Personality
In our current era it seems that there are no shortage of personality clashes. People seem to be going out of their way to crash into one another.
"One of the greatest problems in life is the problem of personality. Personalities seem to be clashing constantly. Many of our troubles and difficulties come about because people cannot get along with one another...even wars are engaged in because of different nations failing to see eye to eye."
"Here again the greatest power man possesses, the power to choose, plays a most important part.... you can choose to be friendly or you can choose to be unfriendly. You can choose to be helpful, or you can choose to refuse to help. You can choose to be cooperative or you can choose to be stubborn. You can choose to get excited or you can choose to be calm. You can choose to lose your temper or you can choose to overlook the matter which would ordinarily cause you to be upset. You can choose to be lovable or you can choose to be bitter. You can choose To smile or you can choose to walk around with a long face. You can choose to be trusting or you can choose to distrust everyone you meet. You can choose to believe that 'everyone is against you' or you can choose to believe that everybody likes you. You can choose To be neat and clean or you can choose to be careless and slovenly. You can choose To be lazy or you can choose to be ambitious. Stop to think about it again. Don't you do your own choosing? You certainly do."
In another example he notes that our response to the loss of a loved one is also part of our Greatest Power.
"One problem that faces many people as they go through life is the [physical] loss of a beloved one. So many people, after losing a mother, father, brother, or a close friend or relative, become so upset that life to them becomes meaningless. ... All over the world there are thousands upon thousands of people who walk through the streets and through the balance of their lives as living corpses. Failing to realize that they possess this greatest power, the power to choose, they continue their lives choosing to be a burden to themselves and everyone around them. ... The important job on hand now is what to do with the balance of life that remains to the one left behind."
"After the beloved one has passed on, what can we do about it? Go on living the way they would want us to live. Make them proud of us where ever they are. True, we cannot control [all] conditions, but we can control our power to choose. In controlling our power to choose, we can make life interesting and worthwhile to ourselves and everyone else around us."
Those are interesting points, but many would argue that the world is a worse place now than it used to be in the “good old days.”
"Some people will go so far as to say that the world is getting worse instead of better. The world will start getting better the very minute we choose to make it better. Do not wait for the other fellow to start improving the world. Do not wait for your neighbor to start improving himself, you start. If each one of us will start to choose to improve himself, we a change our own little worlds, the little world that each and everyone of us live in. That's the most important one for us. That is the one we can do something about." As we influence our world and the people around us, those will each influence their own worlds. "It won't take as long as you might think to change this world to be a better place to live in."
Well, that sounds nice, but can you give an example where this actually works?!
"How can one be so sure? Go to a symphony sometime, or watch a great symphony orchestra [on video]. What do you see? A hundred [people] or more playing one great musical selection. Notice a little more and you will see many, many different kinds of instruments, each making its own sound and contributing its own bit to the entire musical selection. Different instruments, yes, but disagreeing [dysharmonious], not at all. Each player plays for the good of all. No conflicts, all in harmony. Each player desires to make the selection the most brilliant piece of music ever played. Each gains pleasure in making this great production possible. Each [one's] pride swells as they notice the great musical selection draw to its close."
If you have ever observed a beginning orchestra learning how to become a symphony you will have heard and observed that the harmonious playing of the orchestration does NOT come naturally. There are squeaks, honks, squeals and uncoordinated rhythms enough to make you uncomfortable. But…
"Analyze this great symphonic orchestra a little closer and what do you find? Each [person] chose to play in the orchestra. Each [person] chose to play the particular instrument that they were using. Each [one] chose to harmonize with the other players. Each chose to do the best that he knew how. [Each] chose to follow the conductor, as he [or she] directed them through the selection."
"So can we. We have been given this power. We have been given this greatest power, the power to choose, by the GREAT CONDUCTOR. The GREAT CONDUCTOR loves us. The GREAT CONDUCTOR wants us to get along. Yes, we are all different. Different customs, different foods, different mannerisms, different languages, but not so different that we cannot get along with each other IF we will disagree without being disagreeable."
The GREAT CONDUCTOR has often been referred to as our father. Being our father, he has made it possible to live together as one great peaceful family...by giving us the power to choose. Will we use it sensibly or will we use it foolishly? We have the power, this greatest power, the power to choose."
Now that we understand this, how will we let our power to choose have effect on our personalities and those around us?
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